Do(n't) Talk to Strangers

It’s been drilled into us since childhood: “Don’t talk to strangers.” But now that we’re grown, is the fear of stranger danger keeping potentially-valuable relationships at bay and preventing us from making some meaningful connections? Don’t get me wrong, there’s undoubtably evil in this world and bad consequences do exists; but is the boogie man, or as the Spanish call him, El Cuco, really lurking behind every stranger’s eyes?

I once struck up a conversation in an airport with an attractive stranger. Ill-advised? As it turned out, that innocent dialogue led to a dating relationship and, as the degrees of separation often go, led me to reconnect with a girlfriend of mine who I knew in the third grade in Puerto Rico! That connection then led me to another classmate who now lives in Barcelona. On a recent trip, I met up with her and her husband and ended up touring the city with them for hours. What a memorable moment.

Then there’s the woman I met over the shampoo bowl at the salon. It just so happened that 60 years ago she went to school with a certain “Nido” boy. She shared the sotyr of how enamored she was with him and stories of the two of them together. To my disbelief, that young boy was my father and she was his childhood sweetheart! What a random moment.

Those are just some of the special people I’ve added to my life because I gathered my courage, took the first step and said “hello” to a stranger. There’s no telling what can happen when you welcome the unknown into your life. It could open the door to a valuable business connection or new, innovative ideas in the workplace. It could mean an exciting personal relationship or new horizons you’ve yet to explore.

I guess it’s not all that surprising that there are many strangers-turned-friends in my life. According to my mom I never met a stranger. “Every time you went to a party, your sister would come crying because you had already made friends with everyone.” But what about those whose personalities don’t naturally gravitate towards the unknown? Talking to strangers can be daunting, but it’s also a skill that can be learned with practice.

I like to make it an exercise. Start with a person of the same gender or someone with a common connection. Initiate the conversation, find out all you can about the other person and keep the talk flowing. Then, move on to more intimidating situations: that attractive man at the bar, the head of the company you really want to impress or that striking woman next to you in carpool. Like the first person on the dance floor, sometimes others are just waiting for someone to make the first move. Just take two deep breathes to lower your racing heart, and as you breathe in the second time around, smile from your heart and start with a simple “hello.” You never know what could happen next.

One Small Thing

Have you ever noticed that sometimes one small step can be the catalyst that leads to great change? Often times, the road we need to travel down can seem overwhelming, a task too daunting to even consider. But a baby step, something seemingly insignificant, can be the very thing that begins a great journey.

My friend has struggled with depression for a long time. Through the years, I’ve listened to her, comforted her and acted as her life coach. I wanted her to own her reality -- not the life she wished she had, not the one she used to have, but the one she was actually living. Who would have thought that it was not my words of encouragement or the life lessons I’ve picked up along the way that would have made the difference -- it was a haircut!

“That haircut changed my life,” she said. You see, after a devastating break up, she had stopped living, she had let herself go and she had given up. It seemed like she was frozen in time -- unable to go back and unwilling to go forward.

“When I got that haircut I started caring for myself again,” she said. “I started to feel a little bit better about myself when I looked in the mirror. Because of that small change, I began to make other changes. I took a shower, put on some nice clothes, left the house and, eventually, started connecting with others and started making future plans.”  And she welcomed hope.

Now, when we talk, all I hear is joy.  She laughs.  She has regained hope, faith, and optimism.  She plans for the future. She has abandoned her “victim” style tendencies. 

It wasn’t the haircut that made the difference; it was what it represented for her. I’ve had a similar experience myself. For me, it was a breast augmentation. After my babies, I felt deformed. I was so self-conscious that I began wearing my hair down in my face to cover myself. After I took that step, I found I was pulling my hair back totally away from my face (bangs and all!) again, putting myself out there more and no longer hiding.

I don’t know what you’re going through right now; I can’t understand all the emotions you feel. But I do know one thing for certain; life is a journey that is always changing. The little people might not think so but I trust that you do have the courage to take that small step that will put you back on the path of your own destiny.

Go for it!!!